Dear family and friends,
This is not a typical Christmas letter, or even my typical mission newsletter, but nothing in my life seems to be typical right now. I knew that Christmas in Nigeria away from all of my family, friends, and comfortable American traditions would be different, but I wasn’t prepared for how this would affect me. After all, I’ve spent more time living in Nigeria in 2006 and 2007 than in the USA and have prided myself on how I’ve become such an adaptable bi-cultural person capable of being content both in the affluent USA or poverty stricken Nigeria. So I was caught off guard when I realized about a week ago that I had turned into a very grumpy depressed person. Yes, I was two weeks into a bad case of the flu that I am still coughing from, which was part of the problem, but mostly I was missing all of the Christmas traditions I have come to cherish, as well as everyone who is dear to me and who are such an important part of why I love Christmas.
It is so entirely different here this Christmas than any other Christmas I can remember. There are few Christmas decorations to see anywhere. I have seen only two decorated trees, and those are both in establishments that cater to American & British expats like me. I thought about buying a small artificial tree and making decorations the way I did many years ago when I was pregnant with Sarah, but I’ve always had a live tree and there’s no family or close friends to share the tradition with anyway. It seemed silly to decorate a tree just for me, and honestly, I was feeling guilty that 95% of Nigerians aren’t earning enough money to even consider something like a decorated tree. I did start baking goodies to give to friends the way I have done since childhood, but gave up after taking all afternoon to make one batch of chocolate chip cookies, one small tray at a time in my small propane oven. Not only did I have to constantly check on the oven because the temperature varied minute by minute from barely warm to extremely hot (no normal temperature gauge in this oven), but I also had to stand guard over the cookie dough and the cooling cookies all afternoon in order to keep the resident cockroaches away from a feast. I did enjoy giving the few cookies to friends, but haven’t had the energy to try another batch since then.
Eventually, I had to admit that I wasn’t doing so well with the holiday season this year. I set aside some time to rest, read my Bible more, and listen to God. I admitted to God that I really needed his help, and had no idea what to do differently or change to get out of this moodiness. My normal Christmas traditions just didn’t fit or make sense here in Nigeria, and I was at a loss, feeling guilty for my life of affluence (compared to Nigerians) and depressed about the separation from my family and friends. I didn’t know what else to do, so I asked God to show me where he is working this holiday season and let me join him in that work. At least then, I might feel like there was some purpose to all of the effort and struggle I was experiencing, and perhaps I could find the joy of the Christmas season again.
A few days later, a three of my Nigerian friends came to me at different times asking for help with financial problems related to surgeries for family members. Helping people through these kinds of problems is always a challenge. Sometimes God provides for these needs through Faith Alive’s resources, but this time Dr Chris had traveled and I couldn’t just turn this over to him. So I prayed, and asked our pastors to pray also. We began asking everyone we could think of to make a donation to help meet these needs. Individuals gave whatever they could give: from one dollar to several hundred dollars, and slowly the needs were met. I realized afterwards that this was the answer to my prayer. This was God working through the church. There was nothing flashy or exciting going on. There was no special ability or work that I could undertake personally that would meet these needs and make me feel good inside (dare I say self-righteous?). In fact, I usually felt embarrassed asking people for money. Instead, God used many of his children who chose to give in spite of their own needs to someone who had a greater need. Not only were the few who needed the help blessed, but every person who contributed was blessed with the true joy of Christmas – the simple and holy joy that comes with freely giving out of whatever God has given us. I was blessed to be living in the midst of a Christmas miracle and might have missed it if I hadn’t been willing to struggle through the disappointments and depression of the weeks before this time. God would have still been working and blessing, but I might not have been part of that work or blessing.
Nothing has really changed in the circumstances of my daily life. My house isn’t decorated, nor are there a pile of presents under a Christmas tree. I may or may not be able to bake a batch of brownies this weekend. And the thought of producing a complete turkey or ham dinner with all of the trimmings for Christmas to share with family and friends, is just beyond comprehension. What has changed is my perspective. I can choose to dwell on all that I am missing this year, and continue to feel bad, or I can keep looking for my Lord working all around me, just as he does everyday of the year, and join him in being part of the blessings of his kingdom. So, maybe I will invite a few Nigerian friends who would have also spent Christmas alone to come over for a homemade spaghetti dinner after church. I don’t have to turn on the oven for that, and my mama taught me how to make an amazing spaghetti sauce.
May each of you experience the blessing of joining God in the things that he is doing all around us this Christmas and everyday of the New Year.
Peace, joy, and love from Nigeria. Biana
Posted by Valerie at December 21, 2007 10:07 AM