Valerie Rae Hanneman
Psalm 139:9-10 “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”
I went into the employee lunchroom to get my soda out of the fridge, only to see that there were a number of staff looking out the windows. “Valerie, come see this! This guy says he wants to jump!” I squeezed in-between two friends and looked out. From out our sixth floor window I could see over to the old Gottschalks building. There, almost at eye level, was a man perched on the big sign that overhung the pavement far below. On the rooftop were police officers trying to talk the man into coming off the sign, and back onto the rooftop. The man was shouting that he wanted to die. With a sick fascination, we watched the drama unfold. When a police office seemed as if he was going to get on the sign with the man, he scooted further back, away from the rooftop. Suddenly he started to slip off the edge. He grabbed onto the sign, halting the slide off, and started screaming for help. When faced with the very real possibility, he had changed his mind about wanting to die. The police officer, who was tied to a safety line, started crawling across the sign to where the man was. The man slipped even further off the edge, now his lower body was dangling in the air, only his grip on the sign was keeping him from falling. Finally the police officer reached the man, grabbed him by the wrists and started pulling him to safety.
I like to believe that I am always holding onto God with a cast-iron grip. And sometimes I am. There are times when the circumstances that I am in make it easy to hold onto Him. When I was in Nigeria far from the people that I knew and loved, far from my daily routine, far from everything that was normal in my life, I held on to Him tight because He was all that I had. There are other times when everything is bright and wonderful in my life and I hold tightly onto Father because my life makes it easy to do so. Temptations might come my way, but my hold on God is so tight that I don’t even take a second look at them.
If I am going to be honest with myself though, I have to admit that there are times when I am not holding on so tight. The daily routine sets in, everyday goes just as it always goes. I have my life pretty much under control, I’m not on the mountain top, but then, I’m not in the valley either. I am still holding onto Father, but my grip isn’t so tight. Maybe because it is easier to depend on myself than it is to depend on Him. At these times, when temptation comes around flirting with me, I keep my hold on God, but I am looking over my shoulder and I am making eyes back at it.
And then, there are those bad times - the times when my life is haywire and it feels like I am completely out of control - that nothing is in control and I am getting tossed in every direction by the storm. Sometimes I am so weak and tired from all of it that I just can’t hold on any longer. But too many times I am in this position because temptation has beckoned to me, and I have dropped Father’s hand so that I can get closer to the fire.
If you are looking for consistency, don’t look at me. You are not going to see it. You had best look to somebody else because although I want to be consistent in my faith, although I want to hold tightly onto Father every minute of every day, I don’t do it. Some days, I don’t even get close.
I am so glad that my relationship with our Living God is not dependent on my ability to hold onto Him. My relationship with God is totally dependent on His ability to hold onto me. When temptation is getting a busy signal from me, when I am completely dependent on Him, when I am holding on to Him so tight that I really do have a cast iron grip on Him, He is holding just as tight to me. When temptation is flirting, and I am flirting back, when life is busy and I think I am in control, when I am half-hearted in my holding onto Him, He is still holding onto me just as tight as He can. When temptation has lured me and I have dropped His hand, when life is so stormy that I am too weak to hold onto His hand, still, He is holding on to me.
If you are looking for consistency, look to God. In our weakness, He is strong.
When the police officer grabbed him and started pulling him up, the man panicked even more and started flailing his legs, trying to find some type of traction on the sign. They yelled at him to be still, but it was too late. The police officer was unable to hold onto him, and the man fell to his death. The police officer beat his fists against the rooftop in frustration when they pulled him back in. He did everything that he could - he tried to hold on with all of his strength - he just wasn’t strong enough.
That will never happen to me. My life is dependent on God’s strength to hold on - and He will never let me go.
Father, thank You for holding onto me for life. You will not let go of me during this life, You will not let go of me for all of eternity.
Contact Valerie or sign up for the e-Ministry of FFBC at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at October 6, 2007 10:38 PM