Valerie Rae Hanneman
Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”(NIV)
When I was growing up my parents had some friends who lived on a ranch in Auberry. Their names were Wes & Janice and the greatest part of our summer was when we kids would get to go and spend a week up at the ranch. What an adventure it was for a bunch of city kids when we got to feed chickens, ride horses, and milk cows. Not far from their house was a body of water - too small to be called a lake but much bigger than a pond. We would swim in it, raft on it, chase polliwogs, and run from the water snakes. As the summer passed, this mini-lake would start to shrink. One day as we were playing, chasing each other around the edge of the water, we came to a place where the water had stretched between two higher areas, but with the heat of the summer had started to dry out. It was still muddy with patches of slimy green spots, but we decided to cross through it. What a mistake that was! The ground looked a lot more solid than it actually was. Once we got down into it, we were sinking in the ooze to over our ankles. As we drug our feet out of the mud to take a step it would make this gross sucking noise, and it STUNK! When we finally made it through that mess we ran to the lake and washed the mud off our feet - but still our feet smelled of the ooze.
One of my most favorite verses of the Bible is 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come.” When I came back to Jesus I desperately needed to be a new creation. I came to Him as a survivor of physical and mental childhood and spousal abuse.. I was a recovering drug addict. I had a barrier between me and the rest of the world that made sure that nobody - but my kids - got close to me. I cared for nothing and nobody but my kids and my mom. I was an angry, vindictive, miserable and broken woman with no hope, no joy and no dreams. Then I came to Fresno First Baptist and I began to wonder, “Is there more to life than this?” Slowly but surely as I turned to my Jesus, He began to put the pieces of me back together again. I started to hope, then to dream and finally to believe that yes, there is so much more to life than I had ever imagined. I wanted to spread my wings and fly like an eagle within the light of Jesus’ love. But I couldn’t fly. I could not seem to let go of what I was long enough to believe in what I could be. The guilt and regret over what I had done to myself and to others while I was on the drugs, while I was behind my wall, when I sought revenge for hurts, while I was who I was, drug me into the slimy ooze and it stunk!
Jesus wanted to make me a new creation but I wouldn’t quit beating myself up with the old one. But He wouldn’t give up on me and day by day He continued to change me until I came to the realization that I could stay stuck in the swamp of regrets or I could accept that my life was what it was and then give it to Jesus. I choose to fly - I choose to be free.
I am who I am - but I am not who I was. Jesus has freed me from that and when the Son has set you free, you are free indeed. And here is the best part of all - He has used what I was as a witness to show what He can do. Isn’t that incredible?!? He has turned everything that was yucky about me into His glory.
We are meant to fly within the freedom of Jesus. We are meant to soar with Him. But we cannot soar if our feet are stuck in the muck of regrets. We are meant to follow Him, but how can we if our eyes are always looking at the past behind us? How much greater our joy when we let go of our past, give it to Jesus, and watch what Jesus does with it!
I used to wonder about what I would change if I could go back and start over. Would I choose a lighter load - an easier road? But the truth is that I would not change a thing about my past. Because of who I was, and because of who I am, I am uniquely qualified to serve Jesus in exactly the place that He has me. I am uniquely called to worship Him in exactly the way that I worship Him. I am called to Him, just as I am.
Are you tired of being bogged down? Jesus is waiting to put your feet on the solid rock. Just let go and let Him.
My LORD Jesus, I don’t take pride in what I was but I take pride in what You have made of me. I am Yours. For you, Jesus, no reserve, no retreat and no regrets.
Contact Valerie or sign up for the e-Ministry of Fresno First Baptist at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at February 2, 2007 10:44 PM