Valerie Rae Hanneman
Matthew 7:9-11 (New Living Translation) “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.”
My son worked in a voting precinct during this last election. For that, he was paid $150.00. From the git-go Steven knew what he was going to do with the money. He was going to buy a $200.00 performance bowling ball. It even had a name - the Black Widow. When Steven spoke it’s name, it was with reverence. (It is a 17 year old male testosterone thing I am sure!) Of course, there was a small problem. Bowling ball - $200.00 - paycheck - $150.00. Steven assured me that he had the additional funds in the bank from his other job. Impatiently he waited for the check but it didn’t come and it didn’t come. Then he came to me - he had enough in his account to pay for it now, could we go to the bank and then go to Cedar Lanes Bowling Alley and get the Black Widow? I was not enthused. It was 7:00 at night! I’d had a long day at work and 5:00 am comes early!. I wasn’t in the mood to go all the way to the bank and then to Cedar Lanes. But I love my son and he was so enthused. We hopped into the car and drove to the bank to make the withdrawal. He didn’t have enough money. He was about $25.00 short. Steven was so disappointed. We went back home and Steven started checking the mail like he was a hawk and it was a gopher. Finally, his check came. On Monday evening we drove to Cedar Lanes. I was tired so I had wanted to wait until we were there on Thursday for his team practice but Steven convinced me that he would die from the stress of waiting. Finally we were in the pro shop and there was the Black Widow. From the way Steven had been talking about it I expected it to have a golden aura but it just looked like a black bowling ball to me. It probably had a golden aura for him though. Leroy took Steven’s hand measurements then dropped the unwelcome news. He had several jobs before Steven’s ball - it wouldn’t be ready until the next day. When Steven turned his hopeful eyes on me I refused. “No, we cannot come and get it tomorrow night. I have small groups until 9:00!” Then Leroy put in his two-cents worth. “My wife bowls late tomorrow night - I’ll be open until 10:00." As my son turned hopeful eyes on me again, I wanted to punch Leroy. I made a last plea for sanity to my son. “Steven, that is too late at night - why don’t we pick it up on Wednesday after your tournament?” It didn’t work and even as unwilling as I was to be driving that late at night I couldn’t bear to disappoint him. And so Tuesday night after small groups, I picked him up and we went to pick The Black Widow up. As we drove my son leaned over and rested his head on my shoulder. “Thanks, Mom. I know that you are really tired. I appreciate you coming out two nights in a row for me.”
I love my son with a depth that he does not understand. Until his sister Fawn was born - and then Steven just a few years later - I did not know that it was possible to love another person so completely. It is a given that I would lay down my life for my children. Anybody who comes against them comes against me first. I will sacrifice everything I am or have to love them, provide for them, protect them. They are my children.
And if I, an imperfect, sinful woman, can love my children this deeply - how much more does our perfect Father in Heaven love us? It is staggering how much He loves us.
My children do not understand the completeness of my love for them. They will when they have children of their own. We do not understand the immense completeness of God’s love for us. Through our love for our children we get a taste of His love for us - but it is a small taste.
I would willingly sacrifice my life for my children but there isn’t anybody that I would sacrifice my children’s lives for. Absolutely nobody. Father loves us so much that He did not sacrifice His life - He sacrificed Jesus, His only son’s life to restore us to Him. For absolutely anybody who will call on Him.
Sometimes though, my love for my children demands that I do what is best for them rather than what they want. When Steven realized that he was $25.00 short on what he needed for the ball - I had $25.00 in my purse. I almost gave it to him. But I didn’t because I knew that the more valuable lesson was that he earn all of the money for himself. I knew that if he wanted that ball enough he would wait for it and value it more because he had earned it.
Father always loves us enough to do what is best for us rather than what we want. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have prayed to Abba expecting instant gratification for what I was asking for and He tells me, “No, I have something else for you.” And what He has for me will always be what is best for me. Because He loves us that much.
I am going to tell you that all that running around I did so that Steven could have his bowling ball was a pain in the neck! I did it because I love him. And I didn’t expect anything back from him. So when he unexpectedly laid his head on my shoulder to thank me it meant the world to me. All that I want from him is for him to love me, and in that car, he expressed that love.
I am sure that I can be a real pain in the neck to my Father, too. Sometimes I imagine Him on His throne, shaking His head as I once again take off in directions I should not go, and saying, Oh no, Valerie! Not again!” But He loves me so much that no matter what I do, He will not stop loving me, stop providing for me, stop protecting me. And I don’t thank Him nearly enough. Still, He loves me and He just wants me to love Him..
Still, He loves us and loves us and loves us.
Abba, I know that You love me even as I also know that I cannot fully comprehend how great and magnificent Your love for me is. Your love is more vital to me that my breath or my heartbeat. I am glad that eternity is forever because I am going to love You for that long, I am going to praise You for that long, and thank You for that long. Help me to love You more everyday.
Contact Valerie or sign up for the e-Ministry at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at December 1, 2006 08:33 PM