Valerie Rae Hanneman
Philippians 3:14 (The Message) “but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.”
Last September, two days before my 52nd birthday, I was driving to work on Fwy168, doing about 70 MPH. The traffic pattern, like usual, was crowded as we approached the curve into Fwy 180. I was on one of the inside lanes when a truck several cars ahead of me started to slow for the curve. ‘It didn’t need to slow down THAT much’ was my impatient thought, so as I started to slow, I glanced in my rearview & side mirrors intending to move to the outside lane. There was nothing there so I started to turn my head to check the blind spot and noticed that because I had slowed, my drink had tipped in the console. I righted it, glanced ahead of me again and to my horror realized that the truck had really slowed down along with the cars following it. I quickly started to change lanes only to discover that there was a white car in my blind spot, I started to move back, only a small pick-up truck was already coming into the lane I was trying to vacate. In a panic, I slammed on my brakes, lost control of the car, fishtailed, skidded between the white car and the car following her, and headed for the guardrail that was the only thing between me and the steep incline at the edge. I thought I was dead. I slammed head-on into the guardrail fully expecting to crash right through it and go sailing over the treetops and into the ravine. Luckily, Cal-Trans is very good at what they do, and their design of the guardrail saved my life. Instead of giving way, the guardrail had enough give to cushion my impact but held firm enough to stop me. The impact knocked my car sideways and out of traffic. I was even facing in the right direction! After sitting for a minute, gathering my wits around me, I turned the engine off and climbed out of the passenger’s side to inspect my car. The front end was a mess – but amazingly the rest of the car was fine. After waiting about 10 minutes to see if anybody would stop and help me (they didn’t) I climbed back into the car and tried the engine. It started so I waited another couple of minutes to see if any smoke or anything would come out and then drove home.
I have driven that curve for a number of years – I know better than to take my eyes off of it for even a second – and that’s all I did – I was distracted by a tipped cup and I took my eyes off the road for just a second! And the result was several thousands of dollars worth of damage to my car and a bent up guardrail that Cal-Trans billed my insurance company for. It could have been worse – I could have died. I know that Father looked down and said, “Sorry – you aren’t coming home today – I have more for you to do.” And He put His hand around me. That is the only reasonable explanation of how I fishtailed between those two cars and slammed into the guardrail at just the right angle to take my car out the rush hour traffic. I know good and well that I am alive only because He protected me.
I am 10 years in this glorious walk with Jesus. I look back at the woman who I was and I know what a miracle Jesus has done in my life. I am a totally different woman. I don’t live like I used to do – I have a better way of living. I don’t speak like I used to do – I have a better way of speaking. I no longer pursue the things of this world, I pursue Jesus.
I have a friend that I have worked with for over 13 years. She knew me back in the day before Christ became the focus of my life. She knew me when I was not so nice – when my language could make a dead sailor blush – when my lifestyle brought no honor to my God. When I first started going though the change to a Christ follower she used to make comments on the change but she doesn’t any more. I guess that she has gotten used to it.
I was in her office one morning and she told me about something our boss had done and I lost my temper. In my ranting and raving, I used a word that I shouldn’t have. The instant it came out of my mouth I was ashamed of myself but I couldn’t call it back. It hung between the two of us like poisoned air. After a spell of shocked silence she said, “Valerie! I thought you were a Christian!”
I am a Christian – but for just a second I took my eyes off of Jesus. I was distracted by my temper, took my eyes off of Him, and used language that is not acceptable in any situation and most certainly not for me. And serious damage was done. I have harmed my witness to my friend. Before I used that word she used to try and temper her language around me – she doesn’t bother anymore. It is obvious that the respect she used to have for my faith just isn’t there any more. I don’t know when I will get it back.
I took my eyes off the road for just a second and did thousands of dollars of damage to my car. I took my eyes off Jesus for just a second and did damage to my witness for Christ and to His Kingdom. Please Jesus, just don’t let it be irreparable.
If you look at my car today you can’t even tell that it was damaged – the body looks just as good as it did. But if you look at the front license plate you can tell that something bad happened. Although the body shop pounded it straight and put it back on the car it is obviously damaged. I had a friend ask why I did just replace it or take it off. No way! Every time I go to my car I see that license plate and I am reminded of what taking my eyes off the road for just a second cost me and how much more it almost cost me.
My friendship is almost the same as it was before – but not quite. Every time she uses language that makes me cringe I am reminded of what taking my eyes off Jesus for just a second has cost me – and how much more it has impacted the Kingdom.
LORD Jesus, I took my eyes off of you for just a second and over something as stupid as my temper. I hurt my witness for You – and that hurts me. Help me to be stronger.
Contact Valerie or sign up for the e-Ministry of Fresno First Baptist at Valerie@fresnofirst.org