Valerie Rae Hanneman
John 15:16a (NLT) “You didn't choose Me. I chose you....”
The problem with being a child is that you soak up so much information from parents, siblings, school chums, etc but you don’t always have the right filters to fully understand everything that is being given to you. I don’t know how old I was the first time my step-father said to me, “I am the only one in my family to marry a divorced woman with kids. But I wanted to marry her so I did - even though she had you kids.” As an adult I look back and wonder what it was he was trying to say - but as a child, I heard, “I chose your mom - I didn’t chose you, I just had to take you.” I was like the booby prize or something. When his daughters were born it seemed like even more he would tell me that he had never chosen me. Needless to say, my self esteem wasn’t real high. To make it worse - I was always (or so it seemed) chosen last for any team. The popular kids went first, then the ones who were not popular but could play the game, then the rest of the Geeks and then me. I was a good student, but even for the academic games I was chosen last. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the right answer - I was so painfully shy that when the spotlight came on me I couldn’t give the answer even though I knew it. When I was older and going to school dances the boys would ask my friends first - and when my friends said “no” then they would ask me. At 20 I got married to somebody who had finally chosen me first. Only six months into the marriage I discovered that I wasn’t his first wife - I was his third wife. That marriage was a spectacular failure. I discovered (with great gusto) the party scene after that and it was a repeat of the school dances - but that was okay, because by then I understood that I was not the type who was chosen first. Whatever the others possessed that made them worthy of being chosen first was simply lacking in me.
I don’t know about you, but eternity weirds me out. For some reason I can accept that God goes on forever and that I will go on in His presence forever. I think that is easy to accept because I - in my human vanity - cannot imagine myself not existing. And I can accept that God always is - because I feel His presence in my life so strongly. But that God always was - that is a little harder for my finite mind to comprehend. My finite mind says that everything has to start somewhere - it just can’t always be. Then my logic kicks in and says - well, if God began sometime - what began Him? Who created God? Who’s God’s daddy? Some sort of pre-God god? And where did the pre-God god come from? This sort of reasoning will drive a person crazy - it just doesn’t make sense. Only an eternal God is logical, but still my finite mind wonders about the Infinite always was, always is and always will be.
But wait! There is more! God is exactly the same today as He will be tomorrow and was yesterday and all the yesterdays and all the way back into eternity. He is exactly the same. God has never had a new thought and God has never had a second thought. There was never a time when God was sitting around the throne room and suddenly thought, “ I should create a world of humans!” God never had that thought because He has always thought it. There has never been a part of eternity when God did not know that He was going to create our world or that we would need a Savior
When Jesus, God the Son, said to His disciples, “I chose you.” He did not mean that He chose them on that day, or the day before or when He called them from their fishing nets to follow Him. The disciples had always been chosen. In all of eternity, they are chosen. Not only is that thought mind-blowing - it is so awesome.
If Jesus chose the disciples for all eternity - He chose me for all eternity. The world chose me last - but God has always chosen me, He always chooses me and He always will chose me.
When my step-father told me that he did not choose me, God in eternity whispered, “I’ve always chose you and in just a moment of time you will know that I am the only real Father you will ever have or need.” When I was picked last for a team, Holy Spirit smiled, because He has always chosen me to lead the Care Fresno Kids Klub Team. When I was not chosen first at the dances, Jesus said, “I have always chosen You. And when you come back to Me, I am going to give you a life that you are going to dance with joy through. And I, the King of Kings, the Prince of peace, the LORD of Lords, am going to dance through it with you.” When I was hurt and dismayed to find out that I was not the first bride - I was the third bride, Jesus had already written to me in His Word telling me that, as part of His church, I was His bride and that there was none before me and would be none after me because He loves me with an everlasting love.
When I tell people how painfully shy I was - not only as a child, but well into my adult life - they can’t hardly believe it. People use a lot if different words to describe me these days and I can guarantee you that “shy,” “low self-esteem,” and “withdrawn” are not on the list. What happened to make the shy, low-esteem, withdrawn girl/woman into the out-going, gregarious, joyous woman that I am today? God happened. He showed me who I am in His eyes. I am not His first chosen one, I am not his last chosen one. I am His always chosen one.
So are you.
Holy God, words fail me. How can I ever fully tell You what it means to be Your chosen one? I will live my life showing You how much I love You, I will spend eternity singing my love to You.
Contact Valerie or sign up for the e-Ministry of Fresno First Baptist at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at June 22, 2006 07:35 PM