THE BITTER WILL OF GOD
Valerie Rae Hanneman
May 5, 2006
Ruth 1:20 (NIV) "Don't call me Naomi," she told them. "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.”
Have you ever had one of “those” days? You are barely at work and already you are wishing that you had called in sick? That was last Friday for me. It was shaping up to be a doozie of a day when I checked my e-mail. Yippee! There was the message I was waiting for from Brian at Delta Ministries. Only when I opened it, it was not telling me what I needed for my mission trip to Reaching Hand Society in India. Instead, it was telling me that the mission trip had been delayed for a year. I had an option, either I could wait until 2007 to go to RHS, or I could still go in November, 2006 and go to an orphanage. My heart is with Reaching Hand Society, so I decided to wait. Who knows, this delay - although disappointing- might be a good thing. I had been worried about even going to India because of the two Care Fresno kids I was trying to become the foster parent of. I’ll just bet this is God’s way of keeping me from stressing over it!
Getting approved as a foster parent is a complicated process. I started back January, and here it is the end of April, and I’m still waiting! But the end is in sight. Earlier in the week I was told that a couple more little details then Jesse & Joanna would be coming. I got home on Friday, and my spirits jumped when I played back my phone messages. The message from the social worker was garbled, I couldn’t understand it, but I did get the name and phone number of where the kids were so that I could call them. I was soaring. Surely if I was going to be allowed to talk to them, placement could only be a few days away! I dialed that phone number, in full praise-mode to Father. Only to be crushed. The woman who had “my” kids told me - gently - what the garbled message said. Although I had been approved, in a couple of months, the kids would be returned to their mom, so it was decided that it was in their best interests not to be moved again.
Broken-hearted, I stood before Father, “Why? Why?” I was not in a good place in my walk of faith. Both of my dreams - dreams that were shaping my life and actions - were taken away from me in one day. My pain cannot be explained by mere words. By Saturday morning, bitterness and anger had set in.
We like to think - being the optimists that we are - that God’s will is always a wonderful thing. But it’s not. Sometimes it is downright painful. Joseph knew year after year of the pain of God’s will. He was trapped in slavery because he told his brothers about the dream God gave him. His dream said that he would rule - but he was a slave! How many times was God’s will a bitter thing for Joseph? How many times did he stand before God and say, “Why? Why?”
Naomi felt the bitter sting of the of God’s will. There had been a famine in Israel so Naomi, her husband and 2 sons moved to Moab. The boys got married, and Naomi was anticipating being a grandma. But life kicked her to the curb. Naomi’s husband and both sons died. In her male-dominated society, widows lived on the fringes, dependent on the mercy of their male relatives. She dreamed of being a granny, now she worried about her next meal. “Why, LORD, why?”
Joseph, Naomi and I, when we were hurt and bitter, forgot one important thing. God sees me in the context of my entire life. And He sees me and my entire life as part of His plan for His Kingdom. He saw Joseph that way. He saw Naomi that way. And He sees you that way. We - on the other hand - see everything in the context of “right here, right now.” God looks at my big picture while I am looking at a chip of paint.
Joseph, the recipient of God’s bitter will, rose to become the second most powerful man in Egypt. He was reunited with his family and moved them to Egypt. There in Egypt a nomadic tribe of herders was transformed into a nation. And out of that nation would come Jesus. Joseph saw the bitterness when God saw salvation for a nation and a world.
Naomi, another recipient of God’s bitter will, came back to Israel a widow with no hope. But she brought Ruth, her daughter-in-law, back with her. Ruth, a Gentile, would end up being the great-grandmother of Israel’s second greatest king - King David. And out of David’s line would come Israel’s Messiah - Jesus. Even in His lineage, Jesus wanted us to know that everybody - Jew and Gentile - was welcome to be part of Him. Naomi saw only the bitterness and dispair of widowhood but God saw salvation and hope that would be given to all the world.
Now is the time when I am supposed to write about what great thing has come out of God’s bitter will for me. But I don’t know what it is - yet. But I will someday.
The kids are not going to be coming to me but I can call them and see them. So Sonday after church I went over to their home. I wanted to dislike the woman who had “my” kids. But she is a wonderful Christian woman. My spirit was immediately drawn to her. She has a beautiful home, she does not have to figure out how to get two more kids into a small house. She does not have to plan how to add two more kids and their agendas to her already over booked life - like I would have. I prayed for God to do what was best for Joanna & Jesse, and He answered my prayer. I thought that we both understood that I was the answer to that prayer - but it is clear to me that Pam and her home are what is best for the kids. And I understand that Father chose what was best for me as well.
God’s bitter will for our lives is something that is going to happen. We will suffer hurts, disappointments, sorrows. He did not promise us a rose garden. He did promise that all things work together for good for those that love Him. We see just a chip of paint of the big picture He has painted of our lives. We need to trust Him in the bitter times like we do in the sweet times.
Abba, You have never failed me - and You never will. I am Your child, and even when I am experiencing Your bitter will, it is because You love me and know what is best for me. I trust you with my big picture. I trust You with my life.
Contact Valerie or sign up for FFBC’s e-Ministry at valerie@fresnofirst.org
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Posted by Valerie at May 5, 2006 06:33 PM