Valerie Rae Hanneman
“Should’ve” Easter Series #1
Luke 22:61 (NLT) “At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered that the Lord had said, "Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny Me three times."
When I was 20 I got married for all the wrong reasons. I married the first man who paid attention to me because I was afraid of being an old maid, I lacked self-esteem so I didn’t think that anybody could really love me, and I was in love with the thought of somebody loving me forever. He said he loved me, I said that I loved him and a quick marriage seemed sensible so we could be together forever. Unfortunately I quickly discovered the truth of the old saying, “Marry in haste, Repent in leisure” He wasn’t exactly who he had pretended to be. When I went to my pastor for advice about my husband’s drug use, smoking, and his inability to hold a job, my pastor’s advice was “You married him so you are stuck with him.” Not exactly what I was hoping to hear, but my pastor said it - so it must have come directly from God. I was trying to make the best of it. I was working at a sandwich stand, pulling double shifts whenever I could because my husband wasn’t working (again). One night my boss came in and sent me home because he said that I looked so exhausted that people wouldn’t want to buy sandwiches. I arrived home about 2 hours early to a dark apartment and music from the bedroom. Either my husband had gone to bed early or he was out partying with his friends again and had left the radio on. I went into the bedroom, turned the lights on and discovered I was wrong on both counts. He was in bed, but he wasn’t sleeping and neither was the girl he was with. Even thirty years later I still remember the pain that ripped though me. He betrayed his vows, he betrayed the love he said he had for me, he betrayed me. At that moment I hated him more than I thought was possible to hate anybody and I am sure that my hatred was reflected in my eyes. Pastor’s advice - or no pastor’s advice - that was the end of our relationship.
On the surface, Peter appeared to be the disciple’s disciple. From his first encounter with Jesus on his boat, Peter’s faith was so strong. He was the first to declare that Jesus is Messiah, the very Son of God. That was when Jesus called him “Peter, the rock” Then there was that storm when Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk with Him on the water. And Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water - for awhile anyway. Jesus was wildly popular for most of His ministry, but when the free food stopped and the going got tough, the crowds started to fall away. Jesus asked His disciples, “Will you leave Me too?” Listen to Peter’s response - “To whom would we go, LORD? You have the Words of Eternal Life.” There was no plan B for Peter. There was only Jesus. Then in the Upper Room Jesus tells them that they will all fall away from Him. Shocked to his core by this statement, Peter says that nope, that was not going to happen. Then Jesus got into the details, “Before the rooster crows you will deny Me three times.” Even more shocked by this unbelievable statement, Peter responds vehemently, “I will DIE first!” If there was anybody that should’ve stood strong for Jesus - it was Peter.
But then, in the courtyard of the High Priest, Peter did deny Jesus - just as vehemently as he had declared his intention to die for Jesus. He should’ve stood for Jesus - but he didn’t. At the moment after his third denial, Peter looked up, Jesus turned, their eyes met and the rooster crowed. For a frozen moment in time, everything - the courtyard, the soldiers, the priests, the people - faded away as they looked at each other. Then time resumed. The soldiers grabbed Jesus to drag Him away and Peter ran into the night, weeping bitterly.
Peter betrayed the vow he had made to Jesus, he betrayed the love he had for Jesus, he betrayed Jesus. When their eyes met and that rooster crowed, Peter dropped his eyes for a moment in shame. When he looked back up at Jesus he was expecting to see something in Jesus’ eyes that would reflect what he himself felt. Maybe he expected to see “Told you so!” Maybe he expected to see anger, disgust, hatred, unforgiveness. It was what he deserved for his betrayal of Jesus. But that was not what was in Jesus’ eyes.
What was in Jesus’ eyes was compassion, forgiveness, and the same deep love that Jesus had had for Peter on the day that Peter declared Him to be Messiah. Jesus’ love for Peter did not change one iota when Peter betrayed Him. Not one iota!
When the women came early in the morning to finish preparing Jesus’ body they found an empty grave and a couple of angels. The angels had a message from Jesus, “Go tell His disciples and Peter that He will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Why did Jesus mention Peter by name in the message? Because he wanted Peter to know that their relationship was not broken and that what Peter had seen in Jesus’ eyes on that ghastly night was still true - compassion, forgiveness and love in spite of everything.
On the night that my husband betrayed me it ended our relationship. All that was left was the pain, anger and hatred I felt towards him. On the night that Peter betrayed Jesus it did not end their relationship. In spite of the pain that Peter’s betrayal brought to Him, Jesus had only love for Peter.
I am so glad that Peter’s betrayal could not stop Jesus from loving him. It means that when I betray my vows to Jesus, when I betray my love for Him, and when I betray Him, that He will not turn away from me either. He is going to continue to love me when I deny Him as much as He does when I sing my praise to Him.
When Peter saw Jesus again, he threw himself out of the boat that the disciples were fishing from and swam to Jesus - he wanted to get to Jesus so badly. He was seeking Christ’s forgiveness for his betrayal. When I betray Jesus and I seek His forgiveness, I know that I will find it - and I will find it in full measure - because Peter did.
My LORD and God, there are so many times that I have denied You, betrayed You, turned away from You. But even when I betray You, You love me with a relentless love. Thank You for the depth of Your love,
Contact Valerie or sign up to the e-ministry of Fresno First at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at March 24, 2006 07:40 PM