Valerie Rae Hanneman
Esther 4:14 (NIV) For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
I like to believe that I have a heart that is turned to Father, listening for His voice and ready to do His will. I like to believe that - but it is not true. All to often He speaks and I argue, He persuades and I am stubborn, He reminds me of my promise and I sulk. For several weeks He called me to a new ministry called Care Fresno. I reminded Him that I didn’t even like kids. I told Him I didn’t want to work with kids. I put a fleece (challenge) before Him to make Him prove my calling. Finally I gave in because I figured it was better than getting swallowed by some fish. When He gave me the idea for the e-Ministry and I took it to Willie, I thought that was that - God’s message delivered. Only Father had plans that the messenger also be the coordinator. Immediately the excuses began. “I can hardly string two sensible sentences together! How can I write devotionals? I don’t have time! I am in the middle of this custody case - plus my job is really hectic right now. Isn’t there somebody else more suitable?” I put a fleece before Him again - and when He answered it - gave in (a little ungraciously). It took several promptings by Father about the choir before I realized He was talking to me. Then I laughed! “God, remember when Steven was sick and I was rocking and singing to him? Remember he said, “Please, mom! I’m sick enough!” Not only can I not sing - my singing makes people sick!” Again the fleece - again the answer I didn’t want to hear.
I can understand what Esther felt when she got that message from her uncle Mordecai telling her that she had to go to the King. Sometime earlier Esther had won a beauty contest and her prize was marriage to the King of Persia, the most powerful man in the world. (It was like that (un)reality show “The Bachelor”) Nobody in the King’s court knew Esther had a little secret because Uncle Mordi had told her to keep it to herself - Esther was a Jewess - part of a people held captive in Persia. Then Haman, chief adviser to the King, fell in hate of Mordecai. It was a hatred so deep he schemed to destroy not just Mordecai but all of the Jewish people. He convinced the King (all-powerful, but not to bright) to sign a proclamation that all the Jewish people were to be killed. When Esther got her uncle’s message she probably freaked about it. After all, the queen before her had not obeyed the King’s drunken commands and she got kicked to the curb. Not only that - if anybody approached the King without prior permission, his guards turned you into sushi before you had a chance to say, “Oops, wrong turn” Esther sent a response to Uncle Mordi, “You know what will happen if I approach the King and he doesn’t hold his scepter out to me - I’m dead.” Mordecai told her, “If you think you are safe in that palace then you are the queen of de-Nile. If you remain silent God will still deliver the Jews in another way (Man I LOVE this man’s faith!) But you will pay the price of your disobedience. Did you stop to think that maybe God caused you to become Queen for just a time as this?” Esther did what God wanted her to do and through her obedience to His calling not only were the Jewish people rescued - but Mordecai ended up replacing Haman.
Have you ever noticed that God’s calls to us usually are not very convenient? He calls to us and we look at our busy life and say, “Listen God, now is just not a good time. Let things calm down and then I will do it.” Only things never really calm down - do they? Or we say, “I don’t really think I am qualified to do this maybe You should find somebody else.” We forget that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called. Or sometimes we flat out don’t want to do it. It is out of our comfort zone, and so we whine, “God, I don’t want to do this because I don’t like it. Don’t make me do it.” We sound like spoiled children.
I wonder what Esther thought as she waited to approach the King. Did she think about the inconvenience of being hacked to pieces by the guards? Probably. Did she keep saying that she was just a young girl, she wasn’t qualified to rescue a whole nation. Probably. Did she keep whispering “I do NOT want to do this!” Probably. But when the time came she approached the King. And in the end, the inconvenience, the doubts the fears didn’t amount to a hill of beans. She obeyed God’s calling and the Jewish people were rescued. Esther was raised by God for such a time as that.
I am about to start my 9th year of Care Fresno. I am awed by the way that Father has worked though me to change children’s lives. I am in my 5th year with the e-Ministry. Every once in awhile I get a note from somebody who says that what I wrote through God’s power helped them. I am in my 6th year in the choir. God has not done a miracle and given me any type of singing talent But occasionally someone will tell me that they can tell by my face how much I love to sing to God. And I realize that God uses my enthusiasm - not my talent - to reach people. I know that I was created for such a time as this to be used for God’s purpose in the ministries that He has called me to. Just like you are.
Do I think that the children would not have been changed by God if I had not responded to Him, or that people would not be helped by what I write, or that the choir would be less enthusiastic if I weren’t up there? Naw - I’m with Uncle Mordi when he told Esther that God’s purpose would be fulfilled - even if she chose not to respond. If we chose not to respond to Father’s call - He will go and find somebody who will respond to Him.
But personally, I don’t want to be standing before His throne trying to explain why my response to His call was “No, I think not.”
Father, truly my heart’s desire it to respond fully to You. But sometimes the world gets in my way. Help me to shove the world aside and be responsive to Your call on my life.
Posted by Valerie at August 12, 2005 09:16 PM