Valerie Rae Hanneman
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6 KJV).
When my daughter, Fawn, announced her intention to move to Tennessee in a few years my heart stopped. My first impulse were to say, “Oh no you are not, Missie!” Luckily I kept those words behind my teeth before they could damage my relationship with my daughter. But the thought of her being so far away from me....whoa.
Why am I so concerned about Fawn being so far from me? There is nothing about Fawn that causes the fear. She is intelligent, competent and trustworthy. She is truly everything I have hoped and dreamed for in a daughter (well except for that smart-alecky mouth).
The fear is mine. Have I as her mother done a good job in getting her ready to face this world on her own? What is going to happen when I am not there to protect her? Now for all of those who are about to e-mail me and remind me that we need to let our children go - spread their wings - to forge ahead on their own paths and all the rest of that blah-blah stuff - I know that! Even without ever watching Dr. Phil - my head knows that! It is my heart - the part of me that has loved, cared for and protected her for her whole life that is freaking out.
And there is an even deeper concern - the concern of a Christian mother. Has my witness as a follower of Christ - has my faith in God - has my lifestyle choices these past 10 years been strong enough to continue to influence and guide my daughter as she faces the temptations of this life?
Although the way we were raised is different (I was not raised in a Christian home) Fawn is at the same age I was when I first started to drift away from God. She is at the age when many young people turn away from their Christian roots and give into the temptations of this world. Now don’t get me wrong - I don’t believe that Fawn is going to become a drug addict or participate in drive-by shootings just because she leaves my home - but the truth is that freedom tastes sweet - and the siren song of the world’s pleasures is alluring. Have I equipped her enough to be able to resist those shallow temptations?
I take great comfort and hope from two stories. One is in the Older Testament and is about Manasseh. Manasseh was the son of Hezekiah, King of Judah. 2 Kings 18:5 says this about Hezekiah - “Hezekiah trusted in the LORD, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him.” Now that is a testimony of faith and Manasseh was raised in that atmosphere of faith. One would think that he would have been a shoo-in to continue in his father’s faith. But he didn’t. 2 Chronicles 33 tells the story of Manasseh’s reign over Judah - and it is brutal. When he assumed the throne at age 12, Manasseh set up altars to false gods in the Temple of the Living God. He wallowed in his witchcraft and idiolatry. He sacrificed his sons by fire to the false god, Molech. He was so evil that verse 9 says, “But Manasseh led Judah and the people of Jerusalem astray, so that they did more evil than the nations the LORD had destroyed before the Israelites.” God couldn’t get Manasseh to listen to Him, so He allowed Manasseh to be taken captive to Babylon, drug there by a hook through his nose. While he was there, Manasseh remembered the God of his father, Hezekiah. He confessed his sins and was restored to the Living God. Manasseh was released from his captivity, returned to Judah and for the rest of his life he followed his father’s faith.
The second story is well known. It is the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15). In this parable the son rejects the father’s lifestyle and leaves the home. Like Manasseh, after squandering every gift and opportunity he had, this son was in a far country, a captive to the people there. In the end, the son goes back and not only embraces his father, but also embraces his father’s lifestyle.
Although there are great differences in these stories, there is much that is similar - much to give Christian parents hope as their children leave their home. Both Manasseh and the son rejected the faith and the teachings of their parents. As they made their own way in this world they succumbed to the temptations that were around them. They were both captive to their sins and went through a dark time of their lives. God used this dark time to bring them back to the faith and the teachings of their parents.
As the parents of these “potential prodigals” we worry about what is going to happen to our children move away from us. We may even have to deal with a child who goes far from our faith, far from the values we have tried to teach them. What can we do? We can’t spank them anymore. We can’t ground them until they are living how we want them to live.
First of all - and most important - NEVER GIVE UP! The father of the prodigal son was outside every day, searching the horizon, looking for his son to come back to him. Our children may turn away from God, but we should never give up believing that they will return to Him. We need to be our prodigal children’s advocates in the Throne room of God by praying constantly for them. We prayed for them while they were in our homes - they need our prayers even more now. We need to love them without condemnation. If they ask, we need to be honest in our disapproval of their choices, but we can’t “harp” at them constantly or disown them. When and if they go through that dark time we need to support them. Most of all, through it all, we must continue to live our lives as an example of Christ. And when things are on the edge of despair we must remember God’s promise - “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Fawn may go to Tennessee, she may not. For all I know, she might end up in Timbuktu. She may hold close to God, she may go far from Him. Wherever her choices take her, Fawn will be surrounded by my love, support and my prayers. I will do it for her as my Father does it for me.
Abba, I try so hard to trust You in everything - but I will admit that it is hard for me to release my daughter to You. This is the biggest step of faith I have to take. Help me to surrender her completely to You and to have the faith that no matter where her choices may lead her - they will never take her away from You.
Contact Valerie or subscribe to the e-Ministry of Fresno First Baptist at valerie@fresnofirst.org
Posted by Valerie at June 10, 2005 08:48 PM