Valerie Rae Hanneman
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (NKJV)
To say that relations between the father of my children and I were horrible would be an understatement. The anger - and even hatred - that existed between us burned brightly - often overshadowing what was in the best interests of our children. Too many times we both used our children as weapons in our war. When I came back to Jesus and my desire was to follow Him - becoming a non-combatant in the war between Steve and I was the last part of my life that I surrendered to Him. It wasn’t easy to let go of that anger - particularly since I could so easily justify it. (After all - I was only doing to Steve what he did to me.) But I had to let it go - I had to if I was going to follow Jesus with a whole heart.
The problem was, the more I let go of my anger the more anger Steve seemed to have. He started doing really mean things to me. I would drive over to his house to pick up our children and they would be gone, so I would have to go home and wait for their phone call. Sometimes he would wait until I got there to get them out of bed, dressed and fed. Sometimes I had to call the police to force him to give them to me. After Fawn quit going to her father’s - it really got bad. He would call me vulgar names when I picked Steven up and he would threaten me - including telling me that someday I would come to pick up Steven and they would just be gone - never to be seen again. I lived in fear of that threat.
Every time that I had to drive over to Steve’s I would spend the whole time praying - begging God to just let the exchange go smoothly. I would bargain with Him, I would state my case to Him, “I am trying to do the right thing here! Why do You keep putting me through this?” I would shake during the drive over there because I dreaded what might happen - and more times than not - there was some type of confrontation. Sometimes I felt like God was having a bad day - and I was His punching bag.
Joseph knew about being God’s punching bag. Jacob favored - noticeably favored - Joseph over his other sons. This favoritism caused major dysfunction in the family - to the point where the other brothers conspired to murder Joseph. God was with Joseph and his brothers ended up selling him into slavery. Joseph landed in Egypt in Potipher’s household. Joseph quickly impressed his master and advanced in the household to where he was in charge of everything. I am sure that Joseph was putting the best face on it, “Okay, slavery is bad, but at least I am in a great position here!” When he would not sleep with his master’s wife she accused him of rape - and Joseph landed in prison. Again Joseph advanced to the highest position of authority. But I don’t think he was putting the best face on that situation because no matter how high you climb in prison - a prison is a prison. Then two of Pharaoh’s servants were thrown in jail and had these really weird dreams. Joseph correctly interpreted that the cupbearer would be restored to his position - but that the baker would be executed. Joseph explained his innocence to the cupbearer and asked him to talk to Pharaoh. The cupbearer forgot about Joseph - and Joseph continued living in a prison.
Earlier in his life Joseph had a dream that showed he would be a leader and that his brothers and family would bow down to him. I wonder how many times he sat in that prison and wondered what was going on. How many times did he doubt God’s calling on his life? How many times did he wonder what he had done that caused God to punish him like this? How many times did he say, “You said I would be the leader of my people - why am I in this sewer? To be honest - I am getting tired of feeling like I am your punching bag!”
Do you ever feel like God’s punching bag? You are doing your best to do everything right - you are raising your children to be God-fearing people, you are doing your best to be a Christian witness at your workplace, you are serving in ministries, you trying to be faithful to God, then WHAM! Life punches you in the face - and down you go. Then you no more than pick yourself up and WHAM - here comes the uppercut and down you go again. As you pick yourself up again and again and again - do you wonder how all this getting punched around can possibly work together for good to those who love the LORD and are called according to His purpose? I wonder about that too and here is the answer I come up with:
Beats me - I don’t have a clue.
I know you were hoping for some great theological answer from me - one that would explain why God allows us to be punched around. But I don’t know. This is what I do know. God loves us with a relentless love. He knew us before He said, “Let the be light.” He knows - right now - every aspect of our past, present and future. He knows. And because He knows He lets us go through situations that seem incomprehensible to us - but He knows the reason and He knows that - in accordance with His promise - it will work out to the good. Just because we don’t see the purpose - doesn’t mean for one instant that God doesn’t have a purpose.
Joseph languished in prison for two more years before Pharaoh had a dream and the cupbearer remembered Joseph. After Joseph correctly interpreted Pharaoh’s dream he was made second-in-command over the most powerful nation in the world. And his brothers and his family did indeed bow before him.
While he was a slave, then in prison, Joseph learned about the best and the worst of Egypt. He learned to manage resources and people - and he took what he learned and eventually saved the lives of his family. Because of Joseph’s being punched around - a nation was saved.
You may not ever know how God is going to use you and use the situations you have suffered through. You may be home with Him before He shows you and you have your “a-ha!” moment. But know in the depths of your heart that He is faithful to you and He will use what you go through to the good.
We were getting the Care Fresno kids together for a field trip when I was approached by one of the parents. In private this parent confided in me that they were worried about letting the child go with us because of problems with the child custody. Because of what I went through with Steve, I understood what this parent was going through - and I hope that I was able to help.
Father God, When I am complaining about being Your punching bag, help me to remember this verse. If what I suffer through works to the good, if it builds Your Kingdom, then I suffer it with gladness. Remind me that it is all to Your glory when I am complaining.
Posted by Valerie at March 11, 2005 07:34 PM