Valerie Rae Hanneman
October 8, 2004
Matthew 13:4 “As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. “ (MSG)
Matthew 13:19 “When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This is the seed the farmer scatters on the road.” (MSG)
It has been about six months since Big Steve, my children’s father, died from pancreatic cancer. It has been a difficult time for Fawn, Steven and I. At first, our grief was really intense, then it got better. Now the pain of remembering comes at strange times. I took Steven to school one morning and as he walked away the sun glinted of the hair on his legs and I realized for the first time that his legs were no longer covered with the fine hair of a boy but with the coarser hair of a man. “He’s growing up so fast.” I marveled. Then it hit me, Steven’s father was never going to see his son grow into a man. Grief clutched at my heart and I drove out of the parking lot with tears in my eyes. Or the time Fawn was telling me that she was the top student in all of her college classes and I was so full of pride and then the grief clutches at me again. Fawn’s father will not be at her graduation from college. He will not see the adults our children will be. He will not hold our grandchildren. He will not grow old. There is so much that his untimely death stole from him. And when death stole it from him - it stole it from our children as well. Sorrow over his death will be part of our lives for as long as we live. I prayed so hard for God’s mercy on Steve when he was diagnosed with cancer - but despite my prayers to the contrary - Steve died. Where was God’s mercy?
The verses above are part of Jesus’ parable of the four soils and the types of hearts they represent. The first is the hard soil/heart where the seed/Word never gets a chance to take root before it is taken by the birds/satan. The second is the rocky soil/heart is where the seed/Word falls on the rocky ground and sprouts up but has only shallow roots and when the sun/tribulation comes it just withers away. Then there is the soil/heart where the seed/Word take root but is quickly choked out by the weeds/cares of this world. Last, there is the good soil/heart where the seed/Word takes root and produces a great harvest.
That first soil, the hard soil of the road, is hard to understand. At least on the other three soils the seed had a chance to grow. It was burnt out on the rocky soil, choked out on the weedy soil - but it had a chance. And on the good soil a great harvest is realized. But on the hard road there wasn’t even a chance. Does this mean there are some people who will never have a chance at a relationship with Jesus? What makes this hard soil so different from the others that the seed never had a chance? It is rock hard. It has had cattle, sheep, caravans, wagons, armies and people walking over it so much that every bit of softness has been stomped out of it and only hardness remains. Do you know people like that? Life has stomped on them and made them hard as can be. You talk to them about Jesus and they don’t want to hear it - they brush you off - they walk away. They blame God for everything that is wrong with them and want nothing to do with Him. And satan quickly snatches away what you have tried to tell them. Has God written them off? Does He have no more mercy for these hardpan hearts? Is there no chance?
Steve had a hardpan heart. He hated me and he hated my faith. He mocked my faith, he cursed my church, he even tried to obtain full custody of our children citing my “cult-like” involvement with religion. I prayed often for his salvation but I also wondered if it was even remotely possible considering Steve’s hatred for God.
As long as the soil of the road is hard the seed does not have a chance. But what if a plow could be found to break up the road? It couldn’t be the same plow that was used on the rest of the soils, it would have to be stronger, harder, more severe in order to break up the hardness of the road. If the hardness of the road was broken - would the seed have a chance to grow?
Steve hated me and hated my faith - right up to the day that the doctor came into his hospital room and told him that his problem was not ulcers. That there was a growth in his pancreas that had spread to his liver and it was inoperable. At first I didn’t understand what the doctor was saying, and even as I realized what she was saying to Steve, I saw the same realization come across his face. Cancer.......spreading.......inoperable. It was a death sentence.
Suddenly this hard-hearted man, who had thought that he would live to be 80 or 90 was looking at death and feeling it’s cold breath on his face. His hardpan heart started to break up that night as he let me hold his hand and pray for God’s mercy and healing. Over the next six weeks he and I would talk about God as he faced his own mortality. The same man who mocked my faith begged me to keep praying for him. The man who had cursed my church was asking me to thank them for their prayers. Finally, less than 48 hours before his death, Steven entered into his own relationship with Jesus.
Sometimes the plow that breaks up the road has to be hard and brutal if it is going to break up the soil enough for the seed to grow.
Sometimes the mercy of God has to be severe if it is going to break a hardened heart enough for the Word to grow. I prayed for God’s mercy to change Steve’s heart and bring Steve to Him. I wonder if the pancreatic cancer was God’s severe mercy to Steve. Would Steve have come into a relationship with Jesus if he had lived to be 80 or 90? If the pancreatic cancer had not come? I don’t really know - but I doubt it. What I do know is that because of the pancreatic cancer Steve entered into a relationship with Jesus and even as I write this, Steve is worshiping around the throne.
I wish that Steve could have lived a full life. I wish that he could have seen our children grow into adulthood. I wish that he could have bounced our grandchildren on his knee. But I am so grateful for the severe mercy that brought him to God. I would rather have Steven physically dead and eternally alive in Christ than to have him physically alive and eternally dead in sin.
Severe mercy is still mercy.
Don’t give up on the hardpan hearts. God doesn’t. Spread the seed and pray that God can crack the heart enough for the seed to take root.
Abba, there are so many hardpan hearts in this world. Hearts that life has walked on so much that there seems to be no hope for them. But You are the hope of the world. We pray for Your mercy on these hearts, use us to sow the seeds that will bring them back to You.
Contact Valerie at valerie@fresnofirst.org